” The caterpillar goes to work on the cocoon which institutionalizes him
He can no longer see past his own thoughts
When trapped inside these walls certain ideas start to take roots
Such as going home, and bringing back new concepts to this mad city
Wings begin to emerge, breaking the cycle of feeling stagnant
Finally free, the butterfly sheds light on situations
That the caterpillar never considered, ending the eternal struggle
Although the butterfly and caterpillar are completely different
They are one and the same”
My Darling Dear,Sad, I must write you a letter. Instead of sitting across you, the strong smell of coffee filling the air in between us. Oh, how I miss the view. Of your big brown eyes dancing with excitement. What is that? You met a new guy, and this time it feels different. God made him for you. He curated him just for you. I, pressing my lips together, trying to pick the right words. I sigh, ‘Oh, summer child, your heart is in trouble!’ But eventually you will learn. To love yourself above all else. To always choose yourself first and somehow, no matter how much money you chase, your happiness is as vital as oxygen. For now, hang in there little darling.
Today I took a break from writing little notes to the Universe and gossiping to God about our shenanigans because you my darling, crossed my mind. And I thought why not? I miss you sometimes. Your innocence, your good nature, your belief in people. Your insatiable thirst for adventure, the next moment and new memories make me tear a little. Savor up the soul adventures for now for one day, you will stop being spontaneous. That free spirit will disappear into a planning animal. Maybe you become a creature of habit, only guided by the places she would safe and familiar with. When that time comes, you will know.
Darling, you wouldn’t want to meet the older you. She is mostly a tired soul with a restless mind who takes long lone strolls to recharge and keeps a dog. His name is Claus. The rest of the time she drowns herself in music or disappear into her mind to write little notes to the Universe. I know you are wondering what happened to the wild moon child. Oh well, life happens. People happen. And sometimes, shit happens. But before the clock strikes midnight, dance in the confusion.
Sitting across me, listening to your favorite old blues while nodding your head to the symphonies, you ask, ‘Will it last forever?’ My witty mind freezes for a while and the squint brown eyes behind thick lenses stare into the mug of coffee. The silence too loud for our souls.
‘Nothing lasts forever darling. Nothing. I murmur.
Embarrassed as a little distaste towards myself stirs up, I look away. Beyond your big brown eyes. I hate to steal this little hope from you. I hate it. I hate to be the one to expose you to the viciousness of this world. There are monsters. Monsters inform of men. These monsters will take and take but never give. You will cross oceans, climb hills and jump rivers for these monsters but they will never move a finger for you. Well, unless they need something in return. These monsters will climb on your back and reach for the stars only to laugh at the darkness you sit in.
They will play pretend. Serve you some half-ass love like you deserve it. But your naivety will accommodate it. You will water yourself down for their validation. One day, you will wake up out of the slumber and realize, like rain you are not the drop. There is life moving through you. The whole universe resides inside you. And like waves that have traveled millions of miles for that one meeting, you will meet your truest self.
‘Weep not darling.’
I hate seeing you cry. I wish I could carry your pain for you so that you continue seeing the world through a clear hour glass. Isn’t that an illusion? I will be selfish if I take pain away from you. How will you grow? How will you learn. I hope you kiss a stranger and fall in love. I hope you make mistakes and learn from them. I hope travel the world and meet the stranger in the wanderlust. I hope you live a bold life.
But you say.
‘I have met good people.’
‘No, you haven’t. They are yet to show their claws. Soon they will.’
Winter is coming.
A battle is stirring up inside me. Whether I should be lethal with the truth or serve it with grace. The truth wins. The words lose. I stare into your eyes. I get lost in the vastness of your soul. It breaks my heart a little. For a few years later, those eyes will be empty. You will have given too much of your soul around you that you will run dry. You prude. And prude a little more. Your smart mouth will always land you in trouble.
The devil is in the details, waiting to steal your joy any moment. But then again, I love you too much, to keep the truth from you. That some of the monsters you seek to slay, are inside you. The biggest monsters. Because if you don’t, they will consume you. Face your demons, the earlier the better. If you feed them, they will grow.
Don’t despair though. This is necessary. You must stick around for yourself because eventually everyone will leave you. Or you will be so alone in your pain, wondering what you did to the world to deserve all the suffering. This will awaken a question inside you, what are you doing here? Tougher times.
Those friends you hold dearly will not understand you. The heck, some of them will think you are crazy. One thing you will dearly crave for is purpose and happiness. If you lie around and what for people to fish you out of it, time will pass you by. Moment will fleet by you. Love will pass you by. Keep on going. Keep loving ferociously, chase those moments, write those love poems because that is how you grow.
One day you will grow into a beautiful butterfly and fly. For now, hang in there.